Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Share your non-Elvis stuff here
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goldbelt
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby goldbelt » Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:30 pm

Did I tell you about the time I sold my old hoover - well, it was only gathering dust.

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goldbelt
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby goldbelt » Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:32 pm

Did you hear about the mathematician that hated negative numbers.

So much so, he'd stop at nothing to avoid them.

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John
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Thu Feb 14, 2019 9:07 pm

goldbelt wrote:Did I tell you about the time I sold my old hoover - well, it was only gathering dust.

Tim Vine?

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goldbelt
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby goldbelt » Thu Feb 14, 2019 9:17 pm

John wrote:
goldbelt wrote:Did I tell you about the time I sold my old hoover - well, it was only gathering dust.

Tim Vine?



It's one of Tim's jokes, indeed.

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TonyS
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby TonyS » Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:35 pm

goldbelt wrote:
John wrote:
goldbelt wrote:Did I tell you about the time I sold my old hoover - well, it was only gathering dust.

Tim Vine?



It's one of Tim's jokes, indeed.

goldbelt... it's you isn't it?
Hi Tim.
www.memphismansion.com
What a great place to visit, it really is.

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TonyS
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby TonyS » Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:35 pm

weirdo.jpg
www.memphismansion.com
What a great place to visit, it really is.

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TonyS
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby TonyS » Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:39 pm

Colin B wrote:
Mountain Mist wrote:My neighbor has been complaining that my dog has been barking when I leave my house. If you know me I hate electric zapping bark collars. So I purchased a citronella collar...


I was reading this as though you were reporting a real incident.

Then I remembered - you don't have 'neighbours' ...

That's the way it is when you're 'home and away'.
(I'll get my coat)
www.memphismansion.com
What a great place to visit, it really is.

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Suspicious Minds
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Suspicious Minds » Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:47 pm

TonyS wrote:
goldbelt wrote:
John wrote:
goldbelt wrote:Did I tell you about the time I sold my old hoover - well, it was only gathering dust.

Tim Vine?



It's one of Tim's jokes, indeed.

goldbelt... it's you isn't it?
Hi Tim.

:lol:
Don't take yourself too seriously ;-)

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When in Rome
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:23 pm

I asked the local farrier 'How would one shoe a Shetland pony?'
He said 'Wave ones arms about and tell it to go away!'
It's far from being all over...

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goldbelt
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby goldbelt » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:53 pm

Gamblers Anonymous went on a mystery tour and ran a sweepstake on the destination.

The coach driver won three hundred pounds.

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mike edwards
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby mike edwards » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:55 pm

The doctor said to me 'The results of your tests have come back and you've got gonorrhea '.

I said 'Could I have got it from the toilet seat?'.

He said 'Only if you've been sucking it, it's in your gums'.
Last edited by mike edwards on Tue Feb 19, 2019 12:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
>>>



the bottom half of the internet

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goldbelt
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby goldbelt » Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:10 am

Woman picks her dress up from the dry cleaners.

As she's leaving, the lady behind the counter calls out to her, 'Come again'.

The woman replies, 'No, it was toothpaste this time'
Last edited by goldbelt on Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Colin B
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:10 am

Why is a fat girl like a moped ?

Both would give you a good ride, but you wouldn't want your mates to see you...
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

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mike edwards
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby mike edwards » Tue Feb 19, 2019 2:19 pm

I went to the doctor. She said 'What seems to be the trouble?'

I unzipped my zipper, flopped my old lad on her desk, and said 'Look at that'.

She said 'What's wrong with it?'

I said 'Nothing. I just wanted to show it to you'.
>>>



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Mountain Mist
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Mountain Mist » Thu Feb 21, 2019 9:49 am

1a.jpg
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