Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Share your non-Elvis stuff here
User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:38 pm

John wrote:Chics does not exist. Chic on the other hand is a French word which means someone who is stylish.

Chicks obviously refers to little birds. It is also a dated term that refers to women.



Well, 'dated' suits me to a 'T' !

Guess I've been spelling it wrongly for a long time...

... no wonder I haven't been getting any...
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

TonyS
Posts: 5246
Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2016 9:23 pm
Has thanked: 2405 times
Been thanked: 2483 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby TonyS » Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:54 pm

John wrote:
Colin B wrote:
TonyS wrote:I joined a group for anti social people last month... I haven't met anyone yet.
John wrote:I'm a member.
Let's not meet up soon.
Colin B wrote:I see there are some quite tasty chics who are members there, whom I haven't met up with...
John wrote:Try KFC.
TonyS wrote: :lol:


Nah - their 'chics' are spelt differently...


Chics does not exist. Chic on the other hand is a French word which means someone who is stylish.

Chicks obviously refers to little birds. It is also a dated term that refers to women.

Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.
www.memphismansion.com
What a great place to visit, it really is.

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Thu Mar 14, 2019 11:33 pm

TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.


I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

Private Presley
Posts: 4377
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2015 12:01 pm
Has thanked: 346 times
Been thanked: 906 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Private Presley » Thu Mar 21, 2019 11:43 am

Colin B wrote:
TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.


I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...

So you gave up on flesh?
ImageImage

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:30 pm

TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.
Colin B wrote:I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...
Private Presley wrote:So you gave up on flesh?


Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

John
Posts: 15007
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:36 pm
Has thanked: 2629 times
Been thanked: 3792 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:33 pm

Colin B wrote:
TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.
Colin B wrote:I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...
Private Presley wrote:So you gave up on flesh?


Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...

So you won't be eating that beluga? Is it still there?

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:42 pm

Colin B wrote:Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...
John wrote:So you won't be eating that beluga?
Is it still there?


No sightings reported since last year.
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

John
Posts: 15007
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:36 pm
Has thanked: 2629 times
Been thanked: 3792 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:31 pm

Colin B wrote:Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...
John wrote:So you won't be eating that beluga?
Is it still there?
Colin B wrote:No sightings reported since last year.
John wrote:Did the residents of Gravesend eat it?


No - I think there was some civic pride in that it made the national news...

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Mon Mar 25, 2019 9:29 am

Obese old man, swigging down his 5th pint of beer & puffing on his umpteenth fag of the evening:

"Kids today eh ? You wouldn't catch my generation self-harming !"
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

Topic author
When in Rome
Posts: 156
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2018 11:13 pm
Has thanked: 120 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:21 pm

A cat breeder notices a sign in his local pet shop proudly stating 'Cat from Holland, available to buy!!'
Intrigued, the breeder enters and asks the owner "How Dutch is that moggie in the window?"
It's far from being all over...


Mountain Mist
Posts: 13659
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2016 11:06 pm
Has thanked: 9469 times
Been thanked: 7515 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Mountain Mist » Fri Mar 29, 2019 12:37 am

When in Rome wrote:A cat breeder notices a sign in his local pet shop proudly stating 'Cat from Holland, available to buy!!'
Intrigued, the breeder enters and asks the owner "How Dutch is that moggie in the window?"


:D

He had a lisp.

User avatar

John
Posts: 15007
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:36 pm
Has thanked: 2629 times
Been thanked: 3792 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Wed May 01, 2019 11:32 pm

Well, I'm in A&E got a broken leg and a few cuts and bruises.

Today is not a good day. I woke up and decided to go horse riding. Something I haven't done for a few years and It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and we started off slowly, grew in confidence, went a little faster, before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me behind. It just wouldn't stop!!

Thankfully the shop manager came out and unplugged the machine.

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Tue May 14, 2019 9:09 am

TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.
Colin B wrote:I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...
Private Presley wrote:So you gave up on flesh?
Colin B wrote:Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...
John wrote:So you won't be eating that beluga?
Is it still there?



Beluga Whale off Gravesend.JPG



They reckon it has left us now.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

John
Posts: 15007
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:36 pm
Has thanked: 2629 times
Been thanked: 3792 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Tue May 14, 2019 9:24 am

Colin B wrote:
TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.
Colin B wrote:I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...
Private Presley wrote:So you gave up on flesh?
Colin B wrote:Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...
John wrote:So you won't be eating that beluga?
Is it still there?



Beluga Whale off Gravesend.JPG


They reckon it has left us now.

Yeah right! Have the local pubs been offering cheap beluga and chips?

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 17969
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 3744 times
Been thanked: 4018 times

Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Tue May 14, 2019 11:56 am

TonyS wrote:Let's just settle on 'bird' then.
Sorry you're not getting any..cough, cough.
Colin B wrote:I meant the KFC variety - as I'm not a meat eater...
Private Presley wrote:So you gave up on flesh?
Colin B wrote:Actually, I'm a pescatarian - so I do eat sea food...
John wrote:So you won't be eating that beluga?
Is it still there?
Colin B wrote:Beluga Whale off Gravesend.JPG


They reckon it has left us now.
John wrote:Yeah right! Have the local pubs been offering cheap beluga and chips?



No.

- Beluga Whale Has Left Gravesend
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B


Return to “Off Topic”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest