Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Share your non-Elvis stuff here

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When in Rome
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Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:59 pm

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high today. She seemed surprised... [emoji6]
It's far from being all over...


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:59 pm

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
It's far from being all over...


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:02 am

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
It's far from being all over...


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:04 am

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:05 am

Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well...
It's far from being all over...


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Suspicious Minds » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:17 am

:lol:
Don't take yourself too seriously ;-)


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:23 am

All very good.



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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Rickeap » Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:41 am

LOL


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:43 pm

My wife asked me to pass her lipstick to her, I accidentally passed her a glue stick instead. She still isn't talking to me...
It's far from being all over...


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:53 pm

My friend always wanted to be run over by a steam train and when it finally happened he was chuffed to bits...
It's far from being all over...


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby JamieAKelley » Thu Dec 13, 2018 11:22 pm

LOL! I have to say - in my head, I'm reading all of these as if they were said by Dean Martin. Works quite well! :)

Love 'em!
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Jamie
http://www.jamiekelleymusic.com
Album: "Love The World Away" - available on iTunes/Amazon/Spotify and more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6V_iC2C3LA
Concert Promo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY7u56757k0


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby John » Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:05 am

We have a guy over here called Tim Vine, he’s the king of one liners, and these are his type of jokes.


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Colin B » Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:26 am

John wrote:We have a guy over here called Tim Vine, he’s the king of one liners, and these are his type of jokes.


A bit of Tim's stuff:

“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”

“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”

“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B


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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby Private Presley » Fri Dec 14, 2018 3:59 am

Tim Vine.jpg
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Re: Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

Postby When in Rome » Fri Dec 14, 2018 6:24 am

Tim Vine is great. The 'chuffed to bits' gag is one of his...
It's far from being all over...


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