Dumb Jokes: Volume 1

[Mountain Mist]

Glad you like it MM plenty more where that one came from.?

Yes, please, James-Henry, that will be fun.

[Mountain Mist]

Ok,cheap one: a servant came into a hotel room to clean up the beds and found a condom.
Horrified, she asked the woman, the one who rented and occupied it the night before, in stuttering words"wh....what is that?"
The woman replied: " what? Never had sex before in your life?".
The female servant replied: "yes, but never until the skin peeled off".

Hehhee naughty.

[james-henry]

Walked into Tescos in Camberley this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out at the travel kiosk saying she’s lost all her holiday money. I felt sorry for her so gave her £50 wouldn’t have normally done that, but I'd just found £2,000 in the car park.

[Mountain Mist]

Walked into Tescos in Camberley this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out at the travel kiosk saying she’s lost all her holiday money. I felt sorry for her so gave her £50 wouldn’t have normally done that, but I'd just found £2,000 in the car park.

[james-henry]

This is what all of you yet-to-be senior citizens, have to look forward to!

This is something that happened at an assisted living center.

The people who lived there have small apartments, but they all eat at
a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up
for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see
if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door, and he
said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went
back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived, so she went back up towards his
room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs
but was having a heck of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail
and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told
him she was going to call an ambulance, but he told her no, he wasn't
in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast.

So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up
even the first step, so they called an ambulance for him. A couple
hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs
in one leg of his boxer shorts.

[Mountain Mist]

This is what all of you yet-to-be senior citizens, have to look forward to!

This is something that happened at an assisted living center.

The people who lived there have small apartments, but they all eat at
a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up
for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see
if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door, and he
said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went
back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived, so she went back up towards his
room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs
but was having a heck of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail
and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told
him she was going to call an ambulance, but he told her no, he wasn't
in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast.

So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up
even the first step, so they called an ambulance for him. A couple
hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs
in one leg of his boxer shorts.

That's good, that is really good



I am still laughing ( and relieved).

[james-henry]

Horse Manure.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.

[Mountain Mist]

Horse Manure.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.

I really like slack jokes, lol.

LOL

[Jessie-May]

Horse Manure.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.

that will teach him eh..

[Mountain Mist]

Hehhee

Dumb Joke 1.jpg

[Mountain Mist]

Dr Whom.jpg

[When in Rome]

My wife is beyond frustration at the fact that I have no sense of direction and she just wouldn't let it lie. So I packed up my stuff and right...

[When in Rome]

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows

[When in Rome]

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know...

[When in Rome]

My daughter suddenly screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you!?" I thought 'What a strange way to start a conversation with me...'