more thoughts and ponderings.

Jokes and funny pics
User avatar

Topic author
WalterHaleJnr
Posts: 6501
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:03 pm
Has thanked: 2320 times
Been thanked: 2446 times

more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby WalterHaleJnr » Fri Jun 09, 2017 6:54 am

Hey everyone,

I can't find the first topic (guess it was more than 6 months ago) so am starting up a new 'thoughts and ponderings' .

Check these out-

Can atheists get insurance for an act of God? :lol: :lol:
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod? :lol:
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest? :lol:
If you are bald, what hair color do they put on your driver's license?
Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? :lol:
If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
Can you daydream at night?
Why do they call the little candy bars "fun sizes". Wouldn't it be more fun to eat a big one?
What is Satan's last name? :lol:
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why does quicksand work slowly? :lol:
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? :lol: :lol:
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If glassblowers inhale do they get a pane in the stomach?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on? :lol: :lol:
Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Is a pessimist's blood type B-negative? :lol:
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? :lol: :lol: :lol:
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet? :D

User avatar

Colin B
Posts: 11100
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:35 pm
Location: Gravesend - UK
Has thanked: 1546 times
Been thanked: 2040 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby Colin B » Fri Jun 09, 2017 9:00 am

WalterHaleJnr wrote:When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? :lol: :lol:


Ha ha ha !

Some great ones there, Walter !

I have first-hand experience of the atheist-in-court one.

I received a subpoena to appear in court [as a witness].

A witness called to the stand before I was declared himself an atheist & insisted on using a secular 'swearing in'.

The judge was annoyed by this & proceeded to give him a hard time !

When it was my turn, I declared my atheist belief & the judge asked "Will you be willing to swear on the bible, anyway ?"

Seeing what happened earlier, I agreed to do that.

I reckoned that me swearing on a book, & using words, I didn't believe in was their loss, not mine !

The judge was then very gentle in his treatment of me in that witness box !

I knew which side my bread was buttered !
Colin B

"Judge a man not by his answers but by his questions" - Voltaire
"Why ?" - Colin B

User avatar

Topic author
WalterHaleJnr
Posts: 6501
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:03 pm
Has thanked: 2320 times
Been thanked: 2446 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby WalterHaleJnr » Sun Jun 11, 2017 8:50 am

If you speak only one language, are you lingual?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Can you plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")? :lol: :lol:
When crazy people walk through the forest, do they take the psycho path? :lol:
If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say "no"? :lol: :lol:
When two men get married to each other, do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack, should they save him?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word "lisp"?
Why do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes? :lol:
If a taxicab driver were to drive backwards, would he end up owing his passenger money?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to? :lol:
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If you melt dry ice, could you swim without getting wet?
Do pigs pull their ham strings?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
If the Cincinnati Reds were the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
Can you cry under water?
Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? And, why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?
If a bouncer at a bar gets drunk and unruly, who throws him out?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

User avatar

Topic author
WalterHaleJnr
Posts: 6501
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:03 pm
Has thanked: 2320 times
Been thanked: 2446 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby WalterHaleJnr » Wed Jun 14, 2017 2:14 pm

Does killing time damage eternity?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
How did a fool and his money GET together?

User avatar

Suspicious Minds
Posts: 1268
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:08 am
Location: Heartburn Motel, Promised Land
Has thanked: 1114 times
Been thanked: 326 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby Suspicious Minds » Thu Oct 12, 2017 6:32 pm

:-D :-D
Don't take yourself too seriously ;-)

User avatar

Topic author
WalterHaleJnr
Posts: 6501
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:03 pm
Has thanked: 2320 times
Been thanked: 2446 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby WalterHaleJnr » Sun Oct 22, 2017 9:15 am

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? :lol:

User avatar

Topic author
WalterHaleJnr
Posts: 6501
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:03 pm
Has thanked: 2320 times
Been thanked: 2446 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby WalterHaleJnr » Tue Dec 12, 2017 8:29 pm

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?


Mountain Mist
Posts: 9355
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2016 11:06 pm
Has thanked: 7052 times
Been thanked: 6678 times

Re: more thoughts and ponderings.

Postby Mountain Mist » Wed Dec 13, 2017 10:38 am

Very clever, imagine wondering like that, lol.

Thanks Walter.

It would be good to have a little black box for the plane!

:D


Return to “Have A Happy”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest